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24 May, 2009

Not Cool... Not Cool At All...

I'm not sure if I've told the story about when I was mugged... and I don't really want to get into it now other than it's left some issues that came up again tonight.

Short version for those of you who don't know, I was mugged... in the summer of 01 so that's 8 years ago now?

Beyond the obvious fallout from that, the hardest part to deal with I don't have to worry about anymore. At least I haven't in about 4 years, and am not sure if and when I will again. That is making it past the spot that it happened in... which was a few feet from the hostel we were staying in... which is in Tanzania and very very far away from me now. Don't get me wrong, I did it.. every day for the rest of that trip... and again for two more summers... and I'd gladly do it again if we ever go back. Is not likely we'd stay in the same place though if we did so moot point lol. But its still hard...

But the main issue its really left me with didn't stay there... and that's walking at night. For awhile walking by myself during the day did too, but I managed to get past that a long time ago... It's still worse if I'm by myself (at night...) but does happen w/ others around sometimes too.

I remember going to a choir practice not long after I moved here... I thought I would be ok, but it got dark faster than expected and I completely flipped out. I was bawling and shaking and everything by the time I got to the Church. Walking home from work wasn't easy either... I'd be a wreck by the time I got home most nights...

I'm not sure why I didn't expect it... but the whole truck being broken into brought all the old feelings from that back. All the sudden I'm dealing with all of that all over again... I don't really walk at night anymore (partly the baby, partly no reason and partly because it does bother me so much), but the other things I had gotten past. The trip to the park Thursday... I was nervous the whole way there and then kept freaking out that someone would get the diaperbag. Stupid... but still.

And then tonight...

We decided to go for a walk... which turned into about a 5 mile walk... Didn't realize how late it was when we left... We made it where we were going long before it got dark, but you could tell it would soon before we headed back. I didn't think about it though. Maybe its because Baba was there... I don't know.

But we started back... and it got dark... and I started having a panic attack. Fought it... fought it pretty well... but still.

And because someone has a sense of humour...

Halfway through that we passed an area with lots of deisel around... and all the sudden I smelled Afrika. Especially since there was still moisture in the air and things mixed just perfectly. Normally something that makes me smile... and I will admit that I enjoyed it tonight too... but it didn't help the whole creepy feeling I had...

And then... Baba pointed out a snake. A black baby snake.... That I nearly stepped on. We stopped and watched it go... and I told Baba the story (probably again) of the baby black mamba... at that point I didn't know wether I wanted to laugh or cry...

Obviously we made it home ok. Very very tired... but ok. I'm still shaky though. I know it prob would have happened even if Monday hadn't... but still...

Anyways, I'm going to go schedule a post for tomorrow about something completely diff that I have to share and then I'm off to bed lol.


3 comments:

Mistika said...

I know what you mean, is amazing how certain smells sight can bring back unwanted memories.

babyyahyah said...

sorry you had to deal with that

Mama Kalila said...

Mistika - It really wasn't the smell... I love smelling that because it typically brings back very happy memories. Unfortunately last night I was dealing w/ something else and the other two things on top of it didn't help.

Babyyahyah - Thanks.