08 January, 2008

Mooned by a deer...

Yes, you read the title right. Looong story, most of which (hopefully all) will be explained in this blog. Before I even get started telling you about what we've been through this weekend, I want to say a few things. First off other than the dream at the beginning, everything is true/happened... and tech the dream is too since I did have it lol. Second I apologize if I go off at any point in this. I started off worried, stressed & upset... and moved to worried, stressed, upset & royally pissed off. I'm afraid it's gonna come out, if you don't like it too bad.

I'm going to start with where I left off in my last post. I got the call that Mom is in the hospital. They thought it was a stroke and that it happened the Wednesday before. This was on Friday. I got that call about 2:30ish... Jason had just gone in to work an hour before for his double shift. Second one of the week... I got ahold of him, let him know what was going on & he started making plans for us to go up there if needed. Told me it was my decision. Honestly I was worried about it.. for one thing really worried about my mom & wanted to be there... but on the other hand Jas' coming off a double shift - no sleep & a really bad allergy infection scared me too. I could just see us leaving & getting into some kind of accident or worse. So I didn't know what to do. I went to bed that night really worried about making this decision.

Put that all together & I had the weirdest, creepiest dream I've had possibly ever. I'm gonna gloss over parts because they are vague in my mind for one, and not very important to the situation. Basically I was in several places (like college & a store/restraunt w/ my mom & saw random people there) but at the restraunt it turned. I sat down & saw Betsy across the room. Knowing it couldn't be her I started to ignore it but couldn't. I jumped up & ran over... She stood up & was pushing Emily's wheelchair. Emily had this weird shocked smile on her face. I asked how they did it & Bets said that my phone would ask me a question & I would need to tell it no & that would answer what I needed to know. So I got a txt & I replied no.. and puzzles started showing up & the last one ended w/ me being told "Your mom is next" - I went from there to my brother in law & friends acting odd, trying to lock me in a house & then I woke up thoroughly upset. Of course, I know it came from stress & worry about Mom & everything... but still...

So Jason gets home about 7ish Sat morning. He's even worse than he was when he left (illness wise). Dead tired. He laid down & crashed & told me to make up my mind and we'd go. I'm off & on the phone all day... Talked to Mom once... I could tell he was sick, but she acted like she knew me even if had trouble talking. Told me not to come. Then finally talk to an aunt who's a little more upfront about what was going on than everyone else I talked too (they all kept saying she was getting better). Talked to Mom agian & told her we're coming... she still seemed ok then.

At that point we decide yes we need to go. We packed up as quickly as possible & took off. Jason had gotten the directions Mom gave last time we headed up there... Took us through Big Lake. It was supposed to be shorter, and probably was... But we saw 43 deer (one of which, yes, mooned me... I told Jas that night I was titleing this that is why I did...), 2 rabbits, 1 snake, 1 drunk driver, 2 cops (who unfortunately didn't stop the drunk driver) & nearly had 2 accidents. The first time was a stop sign we didn't see, it had to be exaustion becuase I don't know how we could miss it. The second time one of those 43 deer ran in front of us.

By the time we got to Midland I was competely on edge... It was awful. We made it to the hospital at 2 in the morn - just after we got to town. Mom was awake. I don't think she recognized me at first, but did after she saw Kalila. We talked a little bit... she's still confused and stuff, but still. She spent most the time talking to Kalila, and about her. Saying she was pretty over & over & stuff like that.

So we left after a couple hours - Mom needed sleep, you could tell. We were going to get some food & then head over to her house to stay the night. I'd planned to clean up a bit while we were there too. First off, we couldn't find the restraunt we got directions from the nurse to. Then we gave up & decided to go to the house & couldn't find it in the dark. Wandered around for hours. In the end I knew we were passing right by it but still couldn't get there... stopped at Denny's & then a motel.

The next morning we realized that yes we were right by the house, about 2 min away. We got there & realized that we couldn't have stayed there. I checked around for meds in the house becuase the nurse had asked me for information I just plain didnt have - Mom doesn't tell me things. I still wanted to get things straightened up but didn't have time if going to see Mom. Seriously, it's like a 3 or 4 day job easily... But anyways, got going & realized we were also 5 min away from the hospital... we'd spent hours driving the night before looking for this place - I felt so dumb.

So we went back to see her... She was asleep when we got there & slept most of the time. Didn't eat all day. Barely answered questions I asked her... We stayed as long as we could... like 5 hours or so, maybe longer. Only ones in the room with her.. I almost feel for the people in the hall because every one of them got flashed by me becuase Kalila happened to be eating every time I needed to get to the nurses station lol. Oh well, it's a hospital - they should be used to it... and if anyone has an issue w/ the whole bf public thing too bad at this point! (I'll get off the soapbox before I continue on) The dr's assistant came while we were there & asked her questions. She answered very clearly at that point... some were wrong but still. & just before we left she talked a bit more... seemed a bit better. But they were supposed to do a lumbar puncture that night. By this point they knew it wasn't a stroke & needed to find out what it was.

On top of all that... I talked to her nurse... got a passcode set up so we (and other fam) could get info on the phone. Asked what needed to be done, how to get info, etc. Called fam to make sure someone was coming up the next day. I wanted to stay, but I couldn't.... Someone really needed to be there & I was trying to get that point across.

We left, later than we should have... stopped off to see my great grandfather who I haven't seen in over 3 years. & then headed on to my cousins house. At this point I remember being on the phone w/ Rosie (my step mom) talking about what I was going to need to do, coming up more, etc. Getting lectured basically lol.. but that's ok, I don't mind it like I did as a kid. Right in the mid of that, Jason fell asleep. Swerved to the things that vibrate on the road.. scared the crap out of me! & himself too... Got off the phone so quickly I was afraid Rosie'd think I was upset w/ what she was saying lol. The rest of the trip was basically uneventful except for the odd banana flavoured orange I ate from Town & Country (I'm serious, it tasted like a banana) & getting hyper due to sugar rush (I didn't eat all day until then... which I can't be doing). It was crazy. Las' house isn't easy to get too & Jas was going off in a joking manor about it... Had me going. I have no idea what Las was thinking.. Must have thought we were nuts. We stayed up talking later than we should.

Jason slept in yesterday... which he needed. I didn't mention it earlier, but that allergy infection got worse while we were up there. He was miserable, hacking cough & everything. Had me scared about him too. I got up at 6ish - combination of their alarm waking me up & my daughter hungry. So I only got a couple hours of sleep. Can't complain though cause Las didn't either. We spent most of the day while there trying to find out info about what's going on. The test got put off because Mom refused it... My grandmother had to sign papers to have it done anyway... I get told off for not doing so the night before.. when no one told me it needed to be done. I asked them if there was anything before I left! Not that I'm blaming the nurse either because we had no clue Mom would refuse...

Finally had to head back here.. much much later than we should have. Poor Jas I don't know how he managed it. I was worried about him all night last night. But anyways, on the way back uneventful... no near accidents thankfully. But right before we got to town, we were driving through clouds & this light was shining up through them. Looked so beautiful... and when we got close we realized the light was shining on this cross. I can't even describe the feeling there at this point.

I felt so awful when I got home though. I can't even imagine how Jason managed being up last night. I couldn't have done it. As it was, I had to have help getting to bed. Thankfully Kalila was out & is sleeping through the night.

Today.... that's where the ticked off comes into play. I have been calling all day. Talked to the dr this morning & he said it was Herpes Ecephalitis - and not contagious. I passed the info on... Then hear that she's been moved to ICU from one person.. that she died & was recussitated from another.. Couldn't get the nurses to tell me khara, even with the code! Put on hold more times than I can count. Finally we've been told that she has viral meningitis. I'll get back to that in a min.

On top of that, I'm being talked about because I came home & didn't clean up while there. & that pisses me off. I went up there, even when I really couldn't. We spent money we don't have to get across the freaking state. It was important so we did it. & we did it with a 3 month old baby... one who eats every one to two hours. I can't stay at the hospital with teh baby. We can't stay at the house. I don't have a car & Jas can't stay period. He's got to work. He's got school starting back up again. I can't send Kalila back with him, not just because of his job & school... but lets face it - he can't feed her!!! I'm pretty sure he doesn't have the equipment for it. No, I just looked, he doesn't! Plus he's sick too. No, it's not as bad... but I do have to take care of my husband too. He drove up there, made himself worse, so that we could be there for my mom. Hasn't complained once. And as for cleaning... hmm would they rather me cleaned & not seen my mother? Because I couldn't do both. & even if I had cleaned & not seen her... I couldn't have finished. I'd have to do it myself because Jas couldn't stay in there & neither could Kalila. I have no idea how it's gonna get done. I'm sorry I don't. I don't know any one there. I don't have money to hire someone. I didn't even have money to get there in the first place. As it is, I don't know what we're gonna do this month, how we're going to do this month. But yeah, I don't know what to do, don't know what anyone else is going to do... which brings me to worry about my own things that are there if someone does get in to work on it... admittedly not as important as Mom or her health.. but still. I had left them becuase we dont have much space here yet. The whole situation has me wanting to scream & pull out my hair.

THEN... the viral meningitis. It's contagious!!! People are having to suit up to go see her now. Everyone is worried about catching it, or having caught it. We could have put Las & her kids in danger.. unknowingly but still... Plus there's Kalila. I have never been so scared in my life. Now I d0n't just have to worry about Mom (which I have been worried sick about) but now my daughter (plus yes me & Jason too) & even the rest of the family. I'm still waiting on news... they're running more tests to see if brain swells or anything.. she sleeping a lot. In ICU still... In an MRI right now is what I just heard... being given meds that have us royally confused. Like I said, scared to death over here... Waiting for our Pedi to call back too.

But that's where I am for now. Sorry if I vented for a bit there... but... honestly I'm frusterated. I'm scared, worried, tired... I could go on. & all the drama crap doesn't help. I'll prob write again in a day or two.. we'll see...


Amy Brown said...

Sorry, girl...keep me posted on what's up.